Breaking The Inertia Of Negative Interactions With Your Partner
In all of our emotional connections, we have good times and bad times. In the couple sphere, these negative dynamics and interactions are much more visible, since generally this person is the one with whom we spend the most time and with whom we have a closer relationship.
We may think that the state of our relationship is the result of chance, but in reality it is totally dependent on our actions. That is why we will talk here about how to break the inertia of negative interactions with your partner.
You may feel like no matter how hard you try, you keep arguing with your partner. A gesture or word is misinterpreted and the conflict resurfaces in the blink of an eye.
Before you get alarmed or think about ending the relationship, it is important that you understand how human communication develops and how you can intervene. Let’s dig deeper into the subject.
The origin of negative interactions
When we live with someone, that person is present in our best times, but also in the worst. It is a witness to our stress, our physical and mental fatigue, our anger and our bad mood.
A relationship must be balanced. But, when creating a common project, you have to be aware that some days the other can only give 20% and we will have to contribute 80%. And, on other occasions, the opposite will happen.
So, when faced with a bad answer, a comment or an unfortunate gesture, it is important to assert yourself and communicate to the other that something has bothered us. And this, in a clear and respectful manner.
The problem is that we are often unable to act in this way. On the contrary, we take offense and apply indifference, contempt or silence towards our partner. Or we overreact with an equally hurtful response.
If that happens in a timely manner, it won’t matter much. The problem arises when this model of communication continues.
Communication models tend to remain
Communication between two people consists of constant feedback. When we talk to others, our words are not neutral, they are based on our perception of others. Our usual interactions with a person predispose us to react to them in one way or another.
The same thing happens within the couple. Some couples hardly argue and others are constantly in conflict. The reason ? A certain model of communication has become established and entrenched.
Your partner says or does something that annoys you, and you respond with a reproach, offense, or a cold, hurtful attitude. The other, on the other hand, feels hurt and responds, again, inappropriately. In the end, neither of you gives an arm to twist and you both consider the other to be to blame.
You tend to remember all of the other’s comments and actions that have caused you discomfort. On the other hand, you probably don’t realize how you are also helping to maintain this dynamic of negative interactions with your partner.
How to break the inertia of negative interactions with your partner?
These types of situations are difficult to resolve, because we consider that the other is to blame and, therefore, he or she has the responsibility to take the first step. If we realize that we are both fueling these dynamics, we will come to a simple conclusion: we can stop this inertia and help create a more positive one.
Just stop reacting based on the other and make a conscious decision with what type of gesture, word, or interaction you want to fuel the communication. Take the first step and redirect the course of your relationship.
Negative interactions tend to be perpetuated, but so do positive interactions. When you change your contributions, communication will change.
At this point, it’s no longer a question of who is to blame, because you both contributed to it. It’s not about who started it, but who ends it. And that person can be you. Over time, you will learn to detect these patterns when they start and thus be able to stop them in time.
Our thoughts Childish love and mature love … We have all, in some way, taken (or should be taking) this journey of emotional maturation.
