Emotional Abstinence Syndrome: Pain After An Emotional Breakdown
Emotional abstinence syndrome arises after a relationship break-up. Getting rid of such an emotional bond is not an easy task. What’s more, the psychological pain we experience is usually devastating to our brain. This process resembles the abstinence syndrome that drug addicts suffer from, a kind of neurochemical chaos that is very difficult to overcome.
Who personally knows the effects of this experience? Teenagers, when they break up for the first time. When they experience the pain of distance or the disappointment of rejection. Adults, because our vital balance is ultimately no longer useful when love expires, when infidelity comes to play a dirty trick on us or when we simply realize that it is necessary to end a relationship without future or too painful.
Letting go when you love still hurts. Getting used to the absence, taking on the final end and the obligation to rebuild our life without this person is something we are not prepared for. However, we do, and doing so gives us adequate internal strengths and psychological resources.
Even so, the real problem arises when someone, instead of turning the page, falls into the circle of obsession, into a vicious cycle of new opportunities, in the need to contact the person, begging for attention. , to claim an impossible or finished love. We are talking about a profile characterized by emotional dependence. The emotional abstinence syndrome then plunges this person into a state of absolute vulnerability and extreme suffering.
Emotional abstinence syndrome or the inability to say goodbye
Charles is 30 years old and it’s been six months since he broke up with his partner. He knew Pauline in high school, at 16. They studied together at university and later opened a small business together. The past few years have not been easy: debts, a business that never worked, and Pauline’s discouragement for this stalled project ended up affecting their relationship.
Even though Charles insisted on continuing to move forward, Pauline ended up breaking up after a conversation where she clearly and sincerely explained to him that no, there would be no more opportunities. Their relationship ended here. Despite everything, and despite her explanations, Charles continues to try to contact her. He checks her social media pages daily to find out what she is doing and looks for ways to coincide with her.
Our protagonist is not only obsessed with the idea of taking over this relationship. He is now unable to work or undertake any activity. His emotional abstinence syndrome is so intense that he has become a shadow of himself, a dependent person in a circle of anxiety and depression.
Now let’s see what are the characteristics associated with this type of profile.
The 5 characteristics of emotional abstinence syndrome
If there is one thing to keep in mind, it’s that when an emotional relationship ends, in general, we can all suffer from this emotional abstinence syndrome. However, this is only part of the bereavement, a step that should motivate us to put in place intelligent and useful coping strategies. A series of resources that will allow us to simplify our path to overcome this rupture with maturity.
- Even so, this psychological condition marked by stagnation and persistent suffering is common in people who have low self-esteem and are characterized by high emotional dependence on the couple level.
- Another characteristic aspect of emotional abstinence syndrome is the lack of conviction about the end of the relationship. A clear refusal emerges.
- Another key is anxious and obsessive behavior. These people are unable to respect “zero contact”, they will always find an excuse to seek, contact, call …
- On the other hand, and this is a significant fact, addicted people are unable to tolerate emotional pain. They lack the tools to manage it, feel paralyzed and, when faced with suffering, react by seeking more opportunities.
- Finally, we cannot forget all this complex symptomatology, intense and tiring, which clearly affects the health of the person: insomnia, loss of appetite, concentration problems, lack of interest in life, discouragement …
How to deal with emotional abstinence syndrome?
Charles, the character in our example, has all of the psychological and behavioral traits of Emotional Abstinence Syndrome. In his case, he especially needs professional help and adequate psychological therapy. No one deserves to live in such a state of vulnerability, no one should stop loving themselves to the point of remaining suspended in a meaningless existence and in such a destructive state of emotional suffering.
Also, whether we have reached this extreme or are facing an emotional breakdown, it would be good to think about the following strategies. These basic keys to keep in mind.
- Suffering from emotional abstinence syndrome – with limited intensity and duration – is normal. However, it is necessary to assume that it is a transitory thing, a state which must pass to lead to a more balanced, centered and strong state.
- We will accept negative emotions like sadness, desolation, doubt. These are conditions that sooner or later will dissipate to promote acceptance and the ability to overcome this ordeal.
- The “zero” contact is a basic point in these cases. It is essential not to keep our ex-boyfriend / girlfriend in our contacts or on our social networks. It is the first step to disconnect from his life and to avoid falling into perverse dynamics.
- Making changes in our life is rewarding. Things as simple as making new friends or looking for other hobbies will be a big help in “freeing our minds”, in breaking the cycle of obsession.
Throughout this process, we will not put aside aspects as valuable as our self-esteem, our dignity, our values or our vital goals. An emotional breakdown should never be seen as the end of the world but rather as the end of a stage and the obligatory start of something that will surely bring us good surprises as well as a better version of ourselves. A stronger version.
Our thoughts The breakdown of the couple and the bereavement that this causes are among the most frequent reasons for psychological consultation among adults.
