Depressive Loves: When Love Is A Plea
We call depressive loves those romantic bonds that arise when one or both of them suffer from depression or from significant problems related to their image. In these circumstances, the feeling and the bond itself acquire specific characteristics and are experienced in a particular way.
It might be a little hard to say, but we should start by asking ourselves if this feeling that comes up in the middle of depression can be called love. Often times it is not “good love”, or at least it is very difficult for it to be. To love and to be loved requires a certain preliminary balance.
Although depressive romance is not “love” with a capital A, that doesn’t mean it is less intense. It is even generally the opposite. This feeling may seem like the solution to mood swings, but ultimately things get complicated very quickly.
Depression like a love crack
Depression is marked by a feeling of inner loneliness and lack. Regardless of what it means from a psychiatric point of view, in symbolic terms this lack is love. The people concerned lack for themselves, life, those around them, etc.
In the strictly physical world, love certainly produces changes in the chemistry of the brain. Today we know that falling in love involves a great discharge of neurotransmitters, many of which increase the feeling of well-being.
Putting both together leads to an awkward conclusion. Chemically, love could be a “medicine” for depression. In turn, from a symbolic point of view, love would satisfy the felt lack. We thus arrive at a questionable idea: the solution to everything is in love.
Depressive loves
Depressive loves arise when the emotionally craving or chemically unbalanced person finds an object that transforms their condition. At first, falling in love triggers this essential cocktail of neurotransmitters and this subjective feeling of fullness that was sorely lacking.
The other is a world that a person with depression can use to feel better. In addition to the distance to true love that this selfish posture implies, the next step is usually not as smooth as the first.
Sooner or later, the other ceases to be the object that comforts or balances. Since it is not a drug, contradictions and loopholes will surface. The idea that something is wrong arises, and the other is asked to become that object that was originally invented again. This object that resolves discomfort.
What is missing from the equation
What is missing from the depressive love equation is precisely love. It’s not just about letting yourself be loved, but also being able to love another. But it also requires the ability to surrender and surrender. It is impossible to experience this feeling without self-esteem.
Individual work is necessary before claiming to share your privacy with another. The biggest risk in this whole scenario is that the person with depression conceives of the image that they will be saved by another.
This, far from helping, will be an additional factor of discomfort. It can even be experienced as a disaster and as the ultimate proof that there is nothing more in life than darkness that rules everything.
Depressive love doesn’t work in the long run. If the two who make up the couple go through a depression, it’s possible that one of them will end up taking on the role of the savior, but at some point the bond will fall apart.
You don’t have to be perfect to experience genuine love, but you have to reach out and nurture the connection from somewhere other than lack or need. Let’s keep this in mind.
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