The Overwhelming Need To Always Be Right

However, one of the great evils of humanity is that we still continue to feel the overwhelming urge to be right. “ My truth is the only truth and yours is worthless, ” this is what many minds think. And this does not only apply to natural persons, but also to social organizations, political groups and states, which sell us their moralizing ideas as absolute truths.

Beyond seeing this as anecdotal and not very dangerous behavior, we must realize that it is something very real and serious. A person obsessed with always being right inevitably ends up suffering from two relentless side effects: isolation and health problems. We must be able to connect with others, to be sensitive, respectful and skillful when creating harmonious environments.

Two men in a boat: the story of blindness, fear and pride

Thich Nhat Hanh, also known as “Thay” (“master” in Vietnamese), is a Zen master, poet and great peace activist. He has published over 100 books and was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King.

Among the many stories Thay tells in his lectures, one gives us a good example of what man’s overwhelming urge to be right is. The tale begins on an ordinary morning in a region of Vietnam. In the 1960s, the bellicose context was gaining momentum in these peaceful, serene lands marked by the centuries-old habits of its inhabitants.

On this ordinary day, two old fishermen were sailing on the river, when suddenly they saw a boat coming up the river and heading straight for them. One of the two elders, who was rowing, immediately thought that this boat was the enemy’s. The other elder began to shout very loudly, for he thought that this was a stray fisherman with little experience, who was just doing a haphazard maneuver.

The two fishermen began to argue as if they were two children in a schoolyard, until the boat which was going up the river struck them and threw them into the water. They began to cling to the remains of the wood of their boat, only to realize that the boat that had struck them was empty. Neither of them was therefore right. The real enemy was therefore in their minds, in thoughts so obtuse that they had become as if blind to their own reality.

Beliefs are our possessions

The human being is an authentic machine of beliefs. We internalize them and we see them as mental programs that we repeat over and over again, until we integrate them and see them as our properties, as objects that must be defended no matter what. In fact, our egos are made up of a patchwork of diverse and powerful beliefs that are so embedded in our own personalities that we can risk losing friends just for being right.

It is important to keep in mind that we all have the right to have our own opinions, intrinsic truths, and favorite subjects. All of those things that we have discovered over time that we identify with and that define us. However, we must be careful that none of these dimensions come to disturb our mind, do not come to lock it up to the point that we think of these beliefs to be absolute and unbreakable truths.

Some people experience a self-centered inner dialogue and repeat to themselves, like a form of mantra, that their ideas are the best, their interests are the most important, and their truth is a bottomless well of unalterable wisdom. Thinking in this way forces them to look in their lives for people who allow them to validate their beliefs. Their truths must be at the center of a universe that can never be questioned by anyone.

The consequences of such behavior are very serious and are almost irremediable.

The desperate need to be right and its consequences

The world is not painted in black and white. The beauty of life and the people around us is found in their diversity, in their varied interests, in their distinct perspectives of thought. We are more or less receptive to these people, to these life events, and this allows us to build, mature and move forward.

To focus on a single thought and to impose on ourselves a belief in a universal truth is to go against the essence of human nature, against the very idea of ​​individual freedom. It is not logical and it is especially not healthy. James C. Coyne, writer, psychologist and professor emeritus in the School of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, argues that the need to be always right is a modern evil, capable of affecting our health in so many ways. physical and emotional view.

According to a study conducted by the University of Bradford in the UK, around 60% of people who fit into this profile suffer from ulcers, high rates of stress and disrupted relationships with their families. And as if this were not already enough, they also have the ability to harm the living together of those around them.

To conclude, we all know that our daily lives are made up of different currents and flows that we have to go through as best we can. We all sail in our own boat, downstream or upstream of the river of our life. Instead of obsessing about staying the same course, we need to learn to see beyond the inside of our boat so that our lives don’t collide with the lives of others.

Let’s give way, create an ocean of minds that can connect with each other, so that we can all move freely and in harmony. We are all looking for the same destiny, which is the one that will guide us towards happiness. So let’s build it around values ​​such as respect, empathy and an authentic conception of living together.

Images by Logan Zillmer