The Pain That Comes Back When An Ex Meets A New Person

Any breakup is normally followed by pain, to a greater or lesser degree, from one person or both. No one likes to end a relationship where expectations and dreams have been deposited. Once you get through the appropriate stage of grieving, however, things don’t end. When you find out that your ex is already busy, everything can fall apart again.

If this happens soon after the relationship ends, you can be even more hurt. Thoughts of all kinds arise in our mind, related to the love that the person had for us, with the possibility that they have been unfaithful to us and sadness in thinking that, perhaps, they did not love us. -e as she claimed through her gestures.

When we find out that the person we once loved has already met someone else, something stirs up inside of us.

After this rain of negative reasoning, an inner feeling arises, fruit of the fear that our ex has met another person and not us. Suddenly we feel older and desperate to be alone. Our ex made it through, but we don’t feel ready to start a new relationship. Or we are, but we have decided not to start anything so as not to close the door to a possible reconciliation.

I feel like they still belong to me

We talked about the possibility of feeling bad when we find out our ex has met someone, when we haven’t. However, what if we ourselves have met another person? Why does all this jealousy arise when thinking that this person’s heart is busy again?

Even though you may want to believe you’ve gotten over the breakup, sometimes you don’t. We lie to ourselves as we start new relationships when in reality we are still “hanging on” to our ex. We are not talking about love, but an inertia that prompts us to believe that the other person is still ours.

In the society we live in,  relationships still have a certain sense of possession. We believe that our companion is our property. This means that we do not see it as a person but as a territory that must be defended so as not to lose it or not to be taken from us.

“How to love without owning?” How do you get them to stop loving you without missing the air? To love is a pretext to appropriate the life of the other, to transform him into a slave. To turn his life into your life. How to love without asking for anything in return? Without needing anything in return. “

-Mario Benedetti-

This rather distorted design resuscitates that sense of belonging when it’s all over. There is no love, there is nothing left. However, we turn into blind people who get carried away by the uncertain belief that our ex can’t be with someone else. This fact bothers us, infuriates us. He is ours and only ours. The person they are with now is a usurper.

My ex keeps on hurting me

In reality, no. Your ex does not continue to hurt you: you yourself are inflicting this pain on yourself. You feel hurt because you weren’t chosen,  because you start to compare yourself to the person your ex is with now… Your insecurity is mixed with rage and pain. A whirlwind of emotions that disturb you. It is necessary to put an end to all this.

• Never compare yourself  : “his new girlfriend is younger, more beautiful, smarter”… that’s enough! Comparisons always hurt and provide no solution. This person also surely has his faults and you have a thousand and one virtues. Stop hurting yourself for free.

• Don’t be selfish  : think about that ingrained, selfish sense of possession that keeps us from truly loving. It’s time to learn and realize that even after the love is over, you covet your ex’s situation.
• “ One nail doesn’t chase another”  : don’t think about dating someone now to feel better about yourself and your ex to have the same feelings as you. For starters, there is nothing good about using people for this purpose, and then you might not be able to get your ex to envy you or be mad at you.

Let it all flow even if you are afraid and even if your mind tells you otherwise. It is better to disobey him than to be unhappy for the rest of your life.

Remember that love is not what we have been taught. You may still be in love with your ex, but consider that when you truly love someone, the only thing you want is their happiness, even if it isn’t with you. Turning the page is difficult, but it is also an opportunity to learn  and gain security.

Your ex has been an important part of your life, but  now they need to go on their way the same way you need to go on yours. Stop waiting for something from a relationship that has already ended. Now is the time to look ahead. Are you ready to start all over again?