And After The Breakup?
Break-ups are more and more frequent. A decade ago, and even a few years ago, almost all couples put up with each other for life, despite the conflicts that could arise. Today, things have changed and we can even say that we have arrived at the opposite extreme.
We have gone from too high a tolerance to zero tolerance for what goes against our way of thinking. And that is not good for the couple either.
Unconditionally accepting the other person, with their flaws and qualities, being aware that the perfect human being does not and never will exist is the gateway to a satisfying relationship. Obviously, there are always limits that we must set and that we must never exceed, such as abuse, disrespect, indifference or the amputation of part or all of our individual freedom.
When a relationship ends, the feeling of desolation, emptiness and loneliness is present for a long time. We go through the famous mourning, which hurts, and it is this pain that will finally allow us to rebuild ourselves.
Mourning involves several stages, already well known by everyone: negation, anger, depression, acceptance … and we can go through all or only some. There are people who grieve incorrectly after the breakup, and this causes the pain to encyst for too long, creating an emotional blockage.
What do you feel after a breakup?
Ending a relationship is a process that can become extremely painful. You have been with someone for several days, months or years, you have shared your life with him or her. You know each other almost perfectly. You share your friends, you have tenderness for his family and suddenly it all goes up in smoke, almost overnight. How not to feel pain?
That person, who was so present in your life, who was most important to you, is suddenly gone, and maybe you will never see them again. Of course it’s hard, even very hard. Your soul breaks into a thousand pieces, you feel completely lost, you see no solution and the feeling of emptiness comes over you.
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Despite all this, life goes on … The world will not stop because your relationship ended and you have no choice but to continue to move forward.
First of all, you have to know and accept that you are going to feel bad, very bad. Breaking up, as we said, hurts. But, you should also understand that this is the normal and advised process. You have to mourn this loss, get angry with the world, scream if you feel like it… as long as these behaviors don’t last too long.
Maybe you feel incomplete, that half your life is gone never to come back, that you will never find someone like that person, that you are lost forever etc.
You have to realize that all of these are nothing but ideas, thoughts coming out of your head and that these are the real ones responsible for your suffering. The more you immerse yourself in them, the more they will grow and the more they will cause pain in you. Don’t feed them.
How to “be” again after the breakup?
After the grieving period that we have been talking about, you will start to see things in a different way. Time is our great ally, but so is our mind, when it is able to think realistically. There is no point in spending time and continuing to feel incomplete, empty, thinking that this was the love of our life etc.
So, we have to force ourselves to think in terms of reality and not fuel hyper-romantic ideas or dramatize what hurts us even more.
You have to start by standing up and stop thinking in an extremist or rigid way. The love of your life does not exist. A being who would be your twin soul, your soul mate or your other half does not exist. What really matters is feeling good with the person you’re dating in the present.
You are not alone, nor empty. There are thousands of people around you who are willing to get to know you, and whom you do not yet know. And that can only happen if you don’t close yourself to them.
Even if you don’t feel like it at all, you have to force yourself to go out with your friends, get together with your loved ones, call people you haven’t seen for a long time, organize activities for yourself. fun.
Little by little, depending on what you are doing, you will feel more and more comforted. Moreover, thanks to these outings, you will be able to meet someone interesting or you will be able to have other professional opportunities, travel, leisure… You never know!
“Recover” yourself. It is possible that in a relationship, you stopped doing things that made you vibrate before. Now is the time to take them back and begin to find satisfaction in these activities. Often, when we are in a relationship, we abandon ourselves and after the breakup, it is advisable to find each other. Our self-esteem is often grateful to us.
Goals give meaning to our life and move us forward in the positive.
The attitude of never stopping, but of moving forward, of not locking ourselves in our unhappiness, nor of brooding negative thoughts makes it possible to win the battle against this deep pain, and to come out of it strengthened. After all, the other person will become a memory, which may be more or less pleasant, but a memory. Ultimately.
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