Psychological Projection: The Art Of Blaming Others

Psychological projection is a term widely developed by Freud’s theory, which exposes us to a familiar practice that we find ourselves in very often. You may even have done it without realizing it.

Think back to those days when you were madly in love with someone. In a way, and almost unconsciously, you attributed to this person qualities and virtues that did not quite correspond to reality.

You have exaggerated his kindness, concern, success and attributes a bit in a halo of perfection that you yourself projected onto him / her.

Love is sometimes a very favorable context to develop this psychological projection. The real problem is when you set up a clearly negative projection.

Thus, the person using this projection clearly suffers from emotional deficiencies, attributing thoughts of rage and anxiety to others.

Today we are going to talk about this feeling of guilt and how, instead of accepting and facing our faults, this feeling resurfaces with the intention of hurting others, the people closest to us and that we appreciate the most.

Projection: distorting reality to its advantage

Let’s start with an example. Your other half is insecure and afraid to commit.

Instead of coming to terms with this reality, she begins to punish you by making sure that it’s you who isn’t making it easy for her and that you are always showing that you don’t trust her.

The problem isn’t you, it’s her.  This is because instead of facing the fact that she has a problem with self-esteem and self-confidence, she punishes you, pointing out things that are not true.

She throws all her rage in your face and projects negative emotions on you, to achieve several things:

1.  Ignore the problem and put the blame on others.

2. Free  yourself from this inner weight and get it out, hitting people around.

3.  Arouse guilt in others, to prove a clear position of power. “I don’t have a problem”, it is the others who have them. It’s the world that must move around me, not the other way around.

4.  By interpreting that other people are the real reason for the problem, these people succeed in distorting reality so well that they end up believing it.

How to put an end to these psychological projections?

The subject of psychological projection is really complex, and unfortunately quite frequent. Sometimes, people who experience physical and psychological abuse continue to project a positive image on their spouse, in order to protect themselves from reality.

“If he’s jealous, it’s because he loves me”. “Sometimes he makes mistakes, but he’s still the person who cares about me the most.”

To project these ideas is to fall into a distortion of reality, into a harmless world. In this world, we do not accept the cruelty of reality, while everyone should be courageous and react to defend themselves.

But then, how to put an end to these projections?

1.  Realizing that what you project onto others is actually a defense mechanism, like a lifeline that you hold onto to not admit certain things.

2.  Understanding that projecting guilt and rage on those around you will only generate more negative emotions.

You will fall into a vicious cycle in which this false “feeling of power” will cause a long-term downfall.

3. If you experience this projection from someone around you, make it clear to them how you feel.

Let her know that this behavior cannot last any longer and that you feel bad, humiliated and manipulated.

4.  Know also that by putting an end to this psychological projection which in reality hides a personal deficiency, this feeling of control will disappear.

You will then suffer from a kind of personal fall, in which you will need help and support to rebuild yourself and to face these problems and deficiencies.

However, it’s usually not easy to accept that we sometimes make these kinds of projections, because we do it without realizing it.

We all have flaws and shortcomings. It would always be best to act with humility and objectivity, because at the end of the day, we are all magnificent imperfect beings who try to survive in a complex world in order to be happy. Is not it ?

Photo courtesy of Nicoletta Ceccoli.