Don’t Try To Get Out Of Your Head What Can’t Leave Your Heart
They say that wanting to forget is to remember forever, and this is very true… To pretend to detach from our feelings is an adventure that can turn out to be a tragedy. An emotional suicide, a real madness.
What is certain is that it is not the same to try to forget a thought as a feeling or an emotion. The first case is possible, it is enough to get used to thinking about other things, to imagine or to say “STOP” or “ENOUGH” when something occurs in our mind.
However, trying to suppress our emotions and what they imply is to deny reality and not take on the learning that is available to us. In other words, trying to inhibit or let go of what we feel at all costs encourages and promotes whatever we pretend to avoid.
I don’t love him anymore, it’s true, yet maybe I love him.
Love is so brief and forgetting is so long.
It was on nights like this, I had her in my arms,
And my soul is unhappy because I lost her.
Pablo Neruda
Wanting to forget is lying to yourself
Often, wanting to forget is to feed unconsciously the fixation that we have on this person, to try not to give up what he has done to us or what made us feel his presence or his memory.
However, what we are trying to forget may not be a person, but a feeling.
Each emotion and each memory makes us pay attention to our deepest “self”, the one to which we renounce and which we avoid taking care of on a daily basis.
This is why it is so difficult to understand it, because very often our conscience and our words are incapable of understanding what goes beyond the soul.
These situations require very intense work which surely disturbs us. We need to be aware of the fact that we are likely to have opposite feelings, that we have a right to be angry with ourselves and the whole world, that we may feel hatred, jealousy and any kind of emotions that our morale punishes.
This is natural, this is why we must try to assume it with the greatest normality. We cannot occupy our minds avoiding our emotions, because it is an impossible and really dangerous thing.
What we need to do is learn to manage these emotions, control our behaviors, and promote our well-being. Working in this direction means not to try to feel good at all costs, but to try to tolerate what our heart is feeling.
Remember all that left a mark on us
The solution is to understand in order to remember painlessly, it is not to try to avoid the pain. The heart doesn’t heal only when we can remember the good times.
What hurts is not to remember those moments, but the loss of a person who we loved or of a feeling that has vanished and that we have not been able to recover. The essence of the air we breathe in his presence, the smell of that oxygen on which we count to infinity.
By making this psychological effort to understand that people come and go, we realize that what is important is what is inside of us, because it is the only permanent thing.
Each of our feelings has become a part of us that we cannot give up. And all of those things that we lose and that make us suffer will be in our hearts forever.
