Emotional Intelligence, The Best Resource To Improve Your Family Life
In recent years, science has discovered the importance of emotions in our lives.
Researchers have found that emotional awareness and the ability to deal with feelings are much more important than the Intellectual Coefficient, and that this emotional intelligence is the one that will determine success and happiness in all areas of life, including in family relationships.
“ Family life is the first school for emotional learning, ” writes Daniel Goleman. Therefore, it is essential to realize the importance that experiences within the family have on children.
Children learn a lot from their parents’ emotions. This includes the ability to control impulses, value oneself, motivate oneself, read the social cues of others, and cope with life’s vagaries through the proper management of stress and anxiety.
According to Goleman, within the family, we learn about ourselves and how others react to our feelings. This way of acting provides children with a model for dealing with their own feelings.
Self-knowledge, the basis for educating children about emotional intelligence
The experiences of the past and of one’s own childhood arise when parents face the challenge of raising their own children.
It is essential to be aware of the influence of memories of the past and the feelings they evoke when they are negative, in order to channel them in the right way.
If we are not aware of our own feelings, we run the risk of developing educational models that are contrary to what we want for our children.
When parents become aware of their desires, their motivations, their way of reacting to different life situations, as well as the feelings that invade them, then they are in a better position to control their impulses, especially in times of crisis. emotional stress with their children.
Thus, the basis for adequate emotional competence is established, because if parents are able to deal with their feelings, children will also be able to do so.
However, if parents let themselves be controlled by anger and easily lose control, their children will emulate the pattern learned from their parents.
Educate Emotions Within the Family
Knowing how to manage emotions is essential for the emotional health of children, as this aspect helps provide them with stable emotional support to mature.
When parents are able to deal with their emotions well and are able to identify their children’s needs, they help them feel secure.
This sense of security gives them a foundation to rely on when they need attention, comfort, or affection.
John Gottman suggests the following process for emotional training for parents to help their children deal with their emotions:
1. Becoming aware of the child’s emotions
2. Recognizing the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching
3. Listening with empathy, validating the child’s feelings
4. Helping the child to find them words to put a label on the emotion he is experiencing
5. Set boundaries and explore strategies for solving the problems in question
According to Gottman, children whose parents regularly practice this emotional training have better physical health and perform better in school, compared to children whose parents do not provide this guidance.
These “emotionally trained” children get along better with their friends, have fewer behavioral problems and are less prone to violence. In addition, these children express more positive feelings.
Gottman also comments that when parents use this type of training for their children’s education, they become more resilient.
Even if they are still sad and angry, they are more easily able to calm down, come out of distress, and continue with productive activities. In other words, they are more emotionally intelligent.
