Experiential Avoidance Disorder
Today, we are immersed in the culture of happiness. One in which it is required to be happy at all costs, no matter what. The problem is, when we don’t succeed, we get frustrated. Therefore, we are all the more unhappy the more we are ashamed of our own unhappiness.
What is certain is that happiness, or rather emotional well-being, is not something permanent. We cannot say to each other “ I am happy ” because it is wrong.
Trying to be emotionally healthy on an ongoing basis is a fantasy that plunges us deeper into suffering. For example, when we avoid feeling anxious, sad, or depressed, we are somehow reproducing our discomfort. The pressure we put on ourselves saying “ I must be fine ” or “ I must be happy ” is the best way not to be comfortable. It’s a paradox, but any emotional avoidance inevitably leads to an increase in those same emotions.
Imagine you are in the middle of the ocean on top of a raft surrounded by sharks and someone says to you, “ If you get nervous you will fall into the sea with the sharks, so you shouldn’t be nervous ” . What do you think will happen? Of course, the very existence of this ban will make you even more nervous. In any case, it would not be natural to inhibit anxiety in such circumstances.
It is therefore much more coherent to accept that in such a context, the most logical thing is to experience anxiety in all its aspects. So you have to let it settle in, make room for it and wait until you get used to it naturally, if possible.
Experiential Avoidance Disorder is a tendency to want to prioritize constant well-being. And to act in such a way as to obtain immediate well-being. We tell you more in the rest of this article.
Experiential avoidance disorder
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), traditional diagnostic classification systems are rejected. Indeed, behavior and its function in context are considered the only element of analysis and action. In this way, the conception of psychopathology from this therapy goes through the so-called experiential avoidance disorder.
Experiential avoidance is an inflexible behavioral pattern. It is generated by an inefficient model of verbal regulation, which consists of avoiding suffering at all costs. It is thus a question of controlling the private events, the sensations, the feelings and the circumstances which generate them.
What happens is that the person with experiential avoidance disorder systematically rejects their negative feelings. She doesn’t want to experience them or feel them. She says to herself phrases like: “ feeling negative emotions is terrible and painful ”, “ you always have to be happy ”, “ I’m weird because I’m sad “, “ what will other people think if they see me anxious ”, etc.
All of these thoughts lead the person to try to control the emotion in a quick, easy, and effective way in the short term. The problem is that this emotional control is fleeting and after a short time the emotional discomfort reappears. In most cases, it even gained in intensity.
So what the experiential avoider does is put a cast on their emotions. The point is that they don’t flow or drain. At first it seems to work, but eventually the bandage falls off and the emotion emerges with a lot more momentum.
What can I do if I have Experiential Avoidance Disorder?
When someone suffers from Experiential Avoidance Disorder and wants to start letting go of the vicious circles just discussed, they need to instill in their minds the idea that suffering is a part of life. It’s not that we want to suffer in order to suffer, but to accept that emotional distress is something that can happen to anyone. Our world is made that way and no living person can escape it.
It doesn’t make sense that if, for example, my partner left me after 5 years of dating, I’m desperately looking for another partner so that I don’t feel bad or alone. What is healthy is to go through the grief that comes with any loss. It’s how our brain takes in what happened and learns for the future.
Now, if we put on plaster, bandages, or safety behaviors so as not to suffer in the short term, the only thing we’re going to do is “conquer” that pain and end up generating more suffering.
Therefore, the first thing we need to do is embrace our demons, emotions, and feelings. No matter what they are, we have to be prepared to live with them.
We know that anxiety or deep sadness is unpleasant and we would rather not have to experience it. However, it is also true that life does not always follow our preferences and that inevitably there will be times when we have to live them.
It is also important to know what our values and goals are in life and to walk towards them, regardless of our emotions. Emotions don’t have to limit us. It is one thing to experience them and to feel them in our being when something happens to us. And it’s another thing to let them control us.
Emotions, positive or negative, can accompany us on a daily basis just like a headache, the cold of winter or the injustices that appear in the newspapers. Therefore, if we know what we want from here in the medium to long term, let us act in that interest, rather than for the immediate discomfort.
Our thoughts Check out some of the metaphors used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to illustrate patient situations and issues.
