I Love People Who Smell Like “I Love, Can And Deserve It “

People with humble souls and courageous hearts captivate. They attract the one who does not surrender, inspire the one who has traced his / her path without paying attention to the obstacles that get in the way. Personalities who never surrender and who have one day learned to love themselves for who they are.

While it is precious to have friends and relatives when you have this profile and this attitude, it is even more important to become one of those people, who smells like “I love, I love you. can and I deserve it ”. Society, it is true, tells us that whoever dares to say this sentence out loud is showing narcissism.

“If you don’t have self-esteem… what can you aspire to?”

– Walter Risso-

Loving yourself is surely the most precious root of our psychological well-being. This dimension is neither more nor less that which guarantees our survival, both physical and emotional. It is this tenderness that also allows us to overcome with varying degrees of success the fluctuations of life and of this complex society, which has at least as many contradictions as we do.

However, sometimes we have the distinct sensation that “loving” yourself, saying out loud that we deserve things and that we are capable of anything, is more than an act of bad taste. In the eyes of many, we run the risk of suffering from pride, selfishness and of course narcissism.

Think about it: being altruistic, noble and humble is something good and even necessary, but to have good psychological health, it is necessary to invest in other dimensions which are sometimes neglected: self-respect, self-confidence, self-esteem, personal dignity.

The healthy narcissism that we sometimes overlook

The word “narcissist” provokes a certain rejection as soon as it is heard. But… what if we told you that there is a healthy side to it that we all need? As curious as it sounds, each of us comes into the world with the need to love ourselves innately. It’s like a genetic program that later, for several reasons, ends up in the trash, handcuffed or gagged because it shames us.

To understand better, just think of babies and children of 3 or 4 years old. In their behavior, there is a network of essential narcissism that seeks exclusively that their basic needs, whether physical or emotional, are met. They don’t do it out of selfishness, they do it first to survive and then see it as part of their psychological and social development.

Later, this reflection, this instinct, can take three different paths:

• The first one that the child feels because of the interactions he experiences in his entourage is that he is unworthy of receiving love. His emotional needs are not met and little by little he falls into a spiral of self-humiliation where his self-esteem is completely destroyed. If he understands that others don’t like him, he won’t like himself.

• The second possibility is just as negative. This is exacerbated narcissism, in which the child develops an extreme need to seek the attention and praise of the adult. He needs this external, persistent and continuous reinforcement to feel validated and gain power. Little by little, and as he grows, this practice will be his main need: he will always seek to be the center of attention and his only concern will be himself.

• Finally, in the healthiest version, we find the child or “pre-adolescent” who has been able to maintain this healthy narcissism thanks to which he understands that loving oneself is basic to survival. So, little by little, instead of requiring the constant attention and reinforcement of those around him to feel validated, he / she has managed to develop a strong self-esteem thanks to which he / she feels capable, worthy, courageous and deserving to get what they want.

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People who love each other get what they want

People who smell like “I love I can and I deserve it” are not selfish, narcissistic or pedantic. In general, they are discreet. They don’t tell everyone about their plans, not carrying signs that proclaim their qualities and abilities, like those who practice the keenest narcissism, the one that feeds on appearances, the “ I talk a lot but I don’t. do nothing, ”and“ If I want something, I’ll use you to make it happen . ”

“There is something worse than death and suffering: a lack of self-esteem.”

-Sandor Márai-

People who have good self-esteem and love each other in a courageous and healthy way move forward in silence and without attracting attention, but they always have their eyes on the horizon to achieve their goals, no matter what. others say, think or do.

On the other hand, there is something that must not be forgotten: according to the explanations of neuroscience, this area of ​​our brain where our life goals move and are programmed is the orbitofrontal cortex. This structure is also very much related to emotions, but especially to this type of firm and strong personality which encompasses good habits, persistence and personal effort.

All this shows us once again that only courageous personalities who are characterized by strong self-esteem and high self-esteem are those who end up touching the sky with the tips of their fingers … others say it does not matter to them, because the energy to achieve triumph always resides inside oneself, in this intimate corner that we must take care of on a daily basis.

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Images by Liz Clemens