I’m Afraid To Tell You That I Love You

I’m afraid to tell you that I love you,  afraid those three words will rush out of my trembling lips and shatter everything we have. I am afraid because the friendship that exists between you and me is a unique bond that we have built over the years and despite the difficulties.

These three words that I said several times but without really feeling them, these “I love you” that I said more out of tenderness than out of true love. Now I understand that when you really feel what you say, fear arises, because those words enclose a part of you that shows you as you are.

I’m scared, but I know that I love you, because every time I touch your skin I get goosebumps, because every time I see you I have butterflies flying in the stomach, and because every time I listen to you, your voice caresses my soul like a light spring breeze caresses the leaves of the trees.

The truth never hurts a real friendship

It took me a while to recognize it, but I know that I love you, by the way you make me laugh in the face of difficulties, because you know that silence is part of the trust that we have one for the other and makes our presence sufficient to show how much we care about each other. But, above all, because  you know me as I am and you accept my darker side without doubting it for a single second.

That’s why I know the feeling is genuine, because we don’t idealize ourselves, but we know each other. The tenderness that we show, this closeness that we have, shows that the affection between us is sincere and, in my case, this affection has turned into a I love you.

“Trust is putting what is most precious, most obscure or most feared in the hands of the other, knowing that he will use it only to help transcend them. “

-Diego Castrillón-

They say our home is where our heart is, and I always feel at home when I’m near you, sharing my life with you. That’s why I know that if our bond is so real and so strong, the sincerity of saying how I feel can’t break it.

When a friendship is real, sincerity can’t hurt it, even if we both don’t agree. If I decide to tell you how much I love you, you may not feel the same way or our friendship will turn into a new, deeper bond that is just as everlasting.

If I decide to tell you how I feel it is because I am suffering from keeping it a secret and it is useless to suffer for something that we can change because it is possible that you love me too. I will not lose anything other than the fear I now feel to tell you what I think of our story.

If you don’t share my feelings, don’t worry, be sincere and tell me without fear. I can accept rejection because by loving you I understand that I may not be the person who makes you the happiest, I can accept that someone else fills this space in your heart that I have not been able or that I have not been able to fill. Love cannot have it all, but friendship always triumphs in the face of adversity.

Don’t worry,  I know love is not begged for and if it isn’t love for each other then you have to let it go. I know I’m not perfect and you might not see me as anything other than a friend, and you might even think of me as a sister or a brother, but I ‘ve learned that who does not try anything has nothing.

I also know that I will suffer seeing you with others, but this is already happening to me now,  and it is only when these three words come out of my mouth that I will be sure of to have done all I could to avoid this suffering. Telling you that I love you opens the doors to a new life with endless possibilities.

What I’m telling you might sound too idealistic to you, maybe you think the pain of rejection breaks friendships, but  mature love is understanding  and puts each other’s happiness above all else, because love, that’s it, respect and understanding; otherwise, it would be possession.

On the other hand, if you are the one who decides to walk away because those three words scare you, because you do not conceive of a friendship with a refusal to an “I love you”, I will know that you are not a true friend. Because true friendships consist in knowing how to live in the contradictions of those who compose it. True friends know that you can’t always agree and that feeling uncomfortable after that is nothing weird.

It may be that before running away, it is a good idea to exchange views and talk, trying to understand and set boundaries that we can both tolerate. Learning to live together again will be our new challenge, but if we are true friends we have a solid basis on which to rebuild ourselves.

Saying I love you should never be scary

For all these reasons I know that  saying I love you should never be scary if we tell a friend,  because even though we are afraid of destroying what has united us, living in a lie does. more harm than what we actually feel, and it is also possible that it does not separate us.

We may think that friends are fragile when they face love, but in reality they are stronger because it is not the first obstacle or the first torment they face. True friends have overcome a lot together and for this reason the “I love you” should not be scary but on the contrary be understood as a new challenge. This is why today, I will end this fear, and I will tell you loud and clear that I love you.