Interpreting Silences, An Unknown Art
Interpreting silences is not easy; they don’t always have meaning, and when they do, finding it requires being sure of yourself and knowing others well. This is why, in reality, it is a true art which tests our insecurities, our complexes and our explicit or implicit desires.
Suppose we cannot tell everything. There are feelings or experiences that escape words. They find no means of expression and, as a result, they become a kind of silence “full” of content. It is not this type of silence that we are going to refer to, because they simply correspond to the impossibility of communicating everything.
The kind of silence we are going to talk about is deliberate. The one in which one person demands an answer from another and does not get it. Interpreting the silences of someone who does not want to speak then becomes something else. Silence is a way of saying, without saying. The problem is to say what? Let’s take a look at this in more detail.
Interpret the silences of someone who does not want to speak
To know the art of interpreting silences, the first thing we want to emphasize is that they give rise to an asymmetric situation. At one end of communication is someone who asks for a phrase, a response, or just a few words. At the other pole is the one who is silent and has the power to respond or not to this expectation. This, of course, gives him power over the other.
However, the intention of silence is sometimes positive and sometimes not. It is positive when silence is a way of taking a moment to think or when you want to avoid an embarrassing situation, for example. This is not the case if the intention is to neglect the needs of the other or to rejoice in the quota of power that this generates, or, perhaps, to hide something.
For those who wait for communication, it is never easy to interpret the silences. In these cases, it is very easy for fears, insecurities and unfulfilled desires to come to the surface. One who fears being rejected, for example, might interpret silence as a sign of rejection precisely. Or the one who ardently wants to be loved may think that silence is a strange way to return his affection. It is easy to deceive yourself when the other is silent.
Silence as an expression of perplexity
Often what a silence expresses is confusion. One demands an answer or words that the other does not have. He doesn’t know how to respond and thus avoids his words compromising him into something that may not be exactly what he means.
In this case, what prevails is insecurity and doubt towards the other. It is not uncommon for this to correspond to a way of not “showing your true face”, of not being held accountable for actions. In those who are silent, there are dualities that prevent them from building a coherent message that they can communicate.
To be silent as a sign of rejection
There are also these silences which have a component of rejection. What silence expresses in these cases is that one of the parties does not want to maintain communication with the other. She does not respond, because there is no point in maintaining a chain of communication with those who demand the response or the expression.
This often happens when someone wants to establish or maintain a loving relationship with another person, but the latter does not want the same. Silence is a way of cutting this line of communication that leads to a romantic encounter. It also occurs in all cases where there is a demand that the other cannot meet.
To say and not to say
Interpreting silences becomes a double-edged sword when we let those silences fill with ghosts. To do it right, we need empathy. Look at the other in their own context, put themselves in their shoes and talk about what they want to express when they are silent. We will never have an exact answer, but it is possible to understand the general idea.
Everyone has the right to speak or remain silent if they wish. It is important to understand this. It’s also important to know that speaking is always healthy, especially in situations that involve the seeds of conflict.
When faced with problematic situations, it is much more valuable to seek and find the words that best express what we feel and think. By taking positions as clear as possible.
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