Lack Of Mental Flexibility And Guilt: The Blades Of Your Sanity

If we review the recurring points in negative emotional states, we will see that lack of mental flexibility and guilt usually appear in many of them. We could even say that they do more than appear: they are among the main agents which allow these negative states to be maintained.

Lack of mental flexibility speaks of the inability to change opinion when all the reasons indicate to do so. It also alludes to the inability to look at a situation from different points of view. Thus, these people live in reality on the basis of very rigid premises and with very few nuances.

They have cognitive patterns so defined and rigid that experiencing something that breaks their expectations is a source of anxiety.

The origin of guilt is well studied. One could say that in given societies of Judeo-Christian tradition,  guilt has settled in the way of dealing with painful events. In fact, if we go back to the genesis, we are faced with an Eve guilty of biting that damn apple.

Guilt has a good side when it imposes an exercise in reflection and repairing an evil. On the other hand, it shows its negative face when it hangs around our neck like a dead weight, preventing us from moving forward and serving as a poisoned place of reference. Also, when it presents itself in a generalized way and for all, guilt is a totally destructive feeling: it is not useful, it is not healthy and it does not inspire anything creative at all.

 Guilt and inflexibility keep us away from mental comfort

Both of these factors cause “rumination,” a psychological concept that refers to the inability to stop thinking about something. Excessive rumination is associated with psychotic disorders, neuroticism, eating disorders, and many other disorders.

This relationship makes sense: if we are unable to see different facts from different points of view, if all of our preconceptions are wrong with what we are going through right now… we are going to think about what is wrong with us. And we will think a lot, but we will not solve anything. It will simply be a mental punishment that we will inflict on ourselves.

If on top of that, due to this inflexibility, the environment we live in demands answers from us and we think we are continually getting it wrong because these are not the ideas we had in mind. , we are going to feel guilty. With these two aspects operating in our mind, it will acquire a “frenetic, agonizing and unnecessary” activity.

How do I know if inflexibility and guilt are poisoning my life?

To know how sharp these blades are in your sanity, your best bet is to see an example:

Imagine a woman who has received enough information to have a prophecy clearly present in her head: in the event that she is a mother, she would be generously rewarded by her social circle. In addition, his brain must constantly manage information:  the birth of his child will be a happy and irreplaceable moment, free from any contradiction and moments of doubt.

Her mental scheme regarding motherhood will be rigid, inflexible and utopian: “Motherhood is beautiful because it is an instinctive thing and I will know how to do it well because it is beautiful, instinctive and it will make me happy in everything. moment”. In his diagram, doubts about this idea are inadmissible and dangerous for his well-being.

This woman, as she experiences the great change that comes with being pregnant, giving birth, and caring for her child, may feel upset. She had a lot of physical problems when she was pregnant, she is not as happy as she hoped and childbirth and postpartum have not been a rewarding experience. A feeling of very deep existential emptiness then appears, which directly faces his expectations and his light schema.

So, if her diagram doesn’t leave room for ideas that might ease the way she’s feeling, such as hormonal changes happening, fatigue is exhausting, and it’s okay to feel a little ‘weird’ , she will assess the situation in only one way:  I am a bad mother so as not to feel joy and I am guilty of it.

This person can only act in two ways: by continuing to punish themselves for not feeling what they should, or on the contrary by relaxing their belief system  to understand that motherhood is a complex experience that does not prevent it from happening. to be wonderful. That you have to keep those feelings of pain and deal with them because they are a part, as well as the joy, of the moment that it is going through.

To be able to do this, she will not have to fight the feelings that she thinks shouldn’t be in her head, but the belief system and the guilt that prevents her from experiencing it in a healthy and fluid way. .

How to fight mental inflexibility and guilt

There are many ways to fight these two great enemies of your well-being, from different fields and in different forms, from the most theoretical to the most practical. Here are a few :

• It’s time to relax. It doesn’t mean lying in your bed doing nothing for hours. Having a calm mind means training awareness, discover Mindfulness and some readings like those by author Eckhar Tolle.
• Practice what you have learned: It is not easy to practice this form of relaxation so make it easy on yourself. Look for easy and enjoyable situations, such as going for a walk, drawing, or reading. If you start doing it in these contexts, you can gradually apply it to others, such as at your desk when filling orders or teaching 20 students.

• Seek professional help: it is important to work on your rigid and erroneous patterns. A cognitive psychologist is a professional who specializes in helping you take apart everything that causes you unnecessary pain, in addition to structuring and exploiting those ideas that you have and which are truly healthy for you. It is not “brainwashing”, it is a helper that you will take what you think is useful to take.
• Review your beliefs: we cannot review our beliefs without first easing our tension. If you are feeling calmer, you need to review your beliefs, that is, review what preconceived forms of thinking and acting are that take you away from harmony with yourself.
• Make gradual changes: Saying that you are going to stop being so square, that you are going to let yourself go a little more and that you are going to open up more to new perspectives in life is a very encouraging attitude. However, the best is if you point her at hard facts.

• The results of your interactions will always be better than the fantasies of your mind: if you are wrong, if you feel anxious or confused, do not be afraid. There is nothing wrong with asking questions and working on a mental level, on the contrary. Walls that are strong will stay in place, others will fall, and you will have the opportunity to build new ones that are stronger and more flexible.

Dare to face the two blades of your sanity  because it will thank you. If you do, you will be able to observe its reflection in the way you relate to others. Isn’t that good news?