Nothing You Do Will Suit Everyone, But What Does That Matter?

Don’t stress yourself out and poison your life just because what you do will never be good enough for some people. Because what does it matter? If we stop worrying about what is not worth the trouble, we gain sanity, and above all we manage to put an end to those ruminating thoughts that rob us of energy and tranquility.

We have to admit it: almost always relying on others is an automatic act with almost everyone. It is like a psychic tendon which, for a long time, fulfilled a very concrete function in human beings: to succeed in being accepted by the group. Because whoever thinks differently or acts according to a healthy egoism sometimes finds himself isolated from the large flock of white sheep. And for many people, it can be traumatic.

“Self-esteem is not as vile a sin as self-contempt.”

-William Shakespeare-

However, ironic as it may sound, relying systematically and absolutely on others really only erodes our self-esteem and suffocates our dreams. Because just as there are absolute complacent, there are also unscrupulous predators. Specimens prepared almost instinctively to take advantage of people for whom the word “NO” does not exist or whose conscience forbids them to use.

Believe it or not, the urge to adjust almost every moment to the expectations of others is also a form of self-harm. Little by little, we enter into a complex dynamic where we discover that we have been manipulated, that saying “YES” is a reflex act impossible to control. Frustration turns into anger, anger turns into grief, and grief turns into a nervous breakdown.

Nothing is as devastating as landing on our own enemy only because we dare not practice healthy selfishness. We suggest you think about this.

Whatever you do, a lot of people won’t like it

Falling into an obsession with doing whatever our partner, family or boss expects from us robs us of mental strength. We lose emotional and psychological resources, and we even develop a kind of existential anemia where the fabric of our self-esteem is very damaged.

What is very complex is that the sacrifice of life is not always rewarded. Not everyone understands reciprocity and appreciates our efforts. And yet, we continue to invest. This mental dedication knows no joys, nor rests at the end of the day.

The psychic overload in which the complacent person derives is intensified even more with obsessive thoughts and the looping and rewinding of internal dialogues such as “If I don’t do this, maybe…” “I have to very well to do it because if it is not perfect, maybe… ”

You have to know how to take something essential into account. This continuous stress, based on always accepting more demands than we can handle, often drift into depression. Albert Ellis, famous cognitive psychotherapist, reminds us that this vital suffering is not only due to people who ask us for things, who demand from us perfection and unfailing support poisoned. It is we who, with our irrational beliefs, further intensify this suffering that we could avoid.

One of those irrational beliefs is that the approval of others validates us as a person. It is possible that as a child, we were made to believe that. However, to grow, mature and evolve is to come a little closer to yourself to find that the only person we cannot disappoint is ourselves.

So the sooner we understand that whatever we do there will always be people who don’t like it, the better. We will go to bed with a clear conscience, without weight, without stress. It’s a great way to increase your quality of life. 

Whatever you do, it must make you happy

It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a knack for telling anecdotes. Or that you refuse to follow this course imposed by your parents. It also doesn’t matter if your best friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand or when you laugh, you laugh out loud. Nothing matters more than the fact that you are yourself, in all your essence. YOU, in every word spoken, in every act carried out.

“You deserve the best of the best, you are one of the few people who, in a miserable world, is honest with herself and that is what really matters”.

-Frida Khalo-

When we have the courage to put aside complacency, the authentic, full and wonderful being that we all have within us emerges. Anyone who doesn’t like what you’re doing just has to turn around. Because as long as there is respect, there will be cohabitation. As we pointed out earlier, the first step is to respect yourself.

In the rest of this article, we explain how to achieve this.

How do you stop being a complacent person?

A complacent person is a most lovable person. Others know it, and often take advantage of it. This is what we are taught in the book Healthy Selfishness: How to Take Ourselves Without Feeling Guilty from Richard and Rachel Heller. They describe the mental and physical exhaustion that comes from this type of behavior.

• The first step to stop feeding this selflessness towards others. There are people who have spent so much time helping, caring and making others happy that they have completely forgotten what their passions, their dreams are. What identified them in this lower world.

• The second step, once we realize our interests and desires, is to start practicing healthy selfishness. To do this, remember the following rule: dare to say “YES” without fear and “NO” without guilt.

At first it will be difficult. Reflex acts don’t just magically disappear. But, follow this simple advice: allow a few minutes to elapse between the asker’s request and your response, and make the latter make you happy.

This will then be the moment when you have decided to stop being a complacent being.

Images by Isabelle Arsenault, Kristin Vestgard