Self-love, This Balm That Heals Our Wounds
How much do you love each other? Think about it seriously. Maybe you haven’t asked yourself this question until now, or maybe you never thought about it. It does not matter. It’s more normal than you might think. We have a bad habit of forgetting about ourselves and not cultivating our self-esteem. It is as if we do not exist. As if we were invisible to our eyes. As if taking care of ourselves was off our priority list. Moreover, we even dare to assert that self-esteem does not really occupy a place in its own right.
How do you treat yourself? Have you ever thought about it? The way we talk to each other, the way we think about who we are and, ultimately, the way we think about ourselves influences how we feel. The problem is, we don’t think much about it.
We tend to live on tiptoes, without going too deep into thinking about how what’s going on around us affects us. It’s like we don’t care about our personal well-being or our self-esteem. The point is that over time, the weight of everyday life increases and, if we neglect ourselves, we can find ourselves enveloped in a gray fog which, little by little, torments us.
Living disconnected from our inner selves has its consequences, even if we are not aware of it. We can observe it in particular in the protagonist of the short film which appears at the end of the article. However, what can we do to break free from the web of automatism? How can we prevent the labels and negative messages that we have received from growing inside us? Go further.
The weight of messages received on self-esteem
From an early age, we grow up receiving all kinds of messages about who we are, what we should be feeling, and how we should act. Parents, relatives, teachers, friends, life companions… everyone has something to say to us, most of the time with good intentions, even if it is not always favorable or appropriate for us.
From “ it’s impossible, keep your feet on the ground a little bit ” or “ you’re wasting your time focusing on what’s important ” to “ you won’t make it ” or just “ you’re too dreamy ”. The point is that all the messages we receive affect us in one way or another, especially during our childhood. In fact, some of them shape our identity, while others function as mandates by which we are governed. When we don’t meet those expectations, we feel guilty. And all of this undermines our self-esteem.
In some cases, this acquired guilt causes the emotional hurt of rejection. A very deep and painful imprint that results in a deep sense of self-loathing, leading to undervaluation of oneself and a void in self-love. So growing up with this hurt sets up a very painful reality.
The sentences of our internal critic
Feeling rejected by others and ultimately by yourself creates a mental trap created by the inner critic. This voice that comes to us from within and that is dedicated to judging how we think, feel and act. To do this, she uses any strategy: comparisons, destructive criticisms or various disqualifications.
” I shouldn’t have said it “, “I should have acted differently “, ” I’m not well ” or ” I’m a disaster ” are just a few examples of the dialogues led by our internal critic. The problem is, we don’t doubt it, quite the contrary. We have incorporated these kinds of messages so much that we give them the value of absolute truth and, in fact, everything we do confirms it. Because if we don’t consider ourselves valid for a job, for leading a team, or for writing, we probably won’t try or boycott ourselves to banish any hope that we have in our heads.
The influence of social networks on our self-esteem
One of the problems that dramatically increase comparisons and negative self-criticism today is social media, as it creates alternate realities that can trap us if we are not careful. Being immersed for hours and hours in this scenario of simulated appearances and feelings can make us believe that it is the only thing there is. However, in reality, it is only a showcase, in which everyone can control the image they want to give to others.
The point is, if we despise and reject each other, that is, if we have a negative image of ourselves, social media will increase that perception. In fact, it’s the – bogus – tests that tell us how boring our life is, how little fun we are, and how lonely we are. This set of criticisms is damaging to our self-esteem.
Keeping up with the pace of other people’s lives on social media is not easy. A study from the University of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (USA), claims that consulting social networks too often generates envy and the distorted belief that others have much more original, happy and interesting lives.
As we can see, we are experts in mistreating ourselves. But above all in the comparison of our lives with those of others. However, we fail to realize that this behavior is absurd. Why waste time comparing when people’s conditions, characteristics, perspectives and experiences are different from each other?
The protagonist of the short Overcomer is an example of how social media can be a double-edged sword, especially if there are wounds from the past that have not been healed, since the person carrying the weight of ‘injury usually filters reality there. His mind often operates from cognitive distortions (erroneous ways of processing information or misinterpretations), such as selective abstraction, personalization, etiquette, or emotional reasoning. Social networks encourage such self-esteem destruction mechanisms.
Self-esteem: the encounter with oneself
What can we do to stop the inner critic? How do we rebuild the broken pieces of our being? How to stop the mental labyrinth which imprisons us in the contempt of ourselves? It seems that the protagonist of our short film is finally discovering the secret ingredient: self-love.
However, it is not easy to come to terms with yourself. Especially when the treatment was mostly negative. We have spent years training ourselves to criticize, demand, and disqualify so that suddenly, almost by magic, we start to love each other. It takes a lot of patience, effort, acceptance, and of course, commitment to yourself to turn things around.
Often, embracing our broken parts involves suffering at first. But also a lot of courage and the ability to forgive and forgive ourselves. Being able to give ourselves love when it’s what we need most – and when we didn’t know it – takes a lot of strength and commitment. For this reason, there are a number of things we need to keep in mind:
- To consider that we are of value. We are much more than our mistakes and failures, much more than our results. We are a limited edition and no one can steal this from us. Maybe we grew up without realizing it. And even today we find it hard to believe it, but it’s never too late to look at ourselves in the mirror and start to see all the potential that we have.
- Practice self-compassion. To move forward, it is fundamental to recognize and accept our mistakes and our limits with respect. Knowing that cheating on us is an opportunity to learn and that judging ourselves is a habit that does not help us change our perspective. In fact, according to an article in the journal Personality and Social Psychology , self-compassion facilitates personal growth.
- Forgive. Forgiveness is an act of liberating the bonds of the past. Forgiveness is an opportunity to heal our resentment. Which hurt us so much at one point. However, not only do we have to forgive others, but also ourselves for the treatment we have given ourselves. In order to regain our self-esteem.
- Live with intention. Becoming aware of the present moment is a way to let go of the past. And to avoid being overwhelmed by his worries in the future. Living day to day, savoring what is happening every moment, making a commitment to take care of yourself and take care of yourself is a protective mechanism.
- Disconnect to really connect. Despite being in the age of digital connection, it is appropriate to disconnect from this intangible world. In order to connect with what is revealed before our eyes. And, of course, with the people around us. In this way, we will prevent the theater of appearances from dominating our lives.
As we can see, self-esteem is built little by little. It is delicately woven and watered daily. It is this light that we all carry within us. But sometimes it is so difficult for us to charge it with intensity. Loving us is the support of our well-being, the embrace that protects us and the balm that heals our wounds.
Finally, we leave you with this wonderful short film.
Our thoughts If you are feeling in the middle of a crisis and are looking for a lost self-esteem, here are 4 master films that are made for you.
