When You Feel Like This Is No Longer Your Place, Fly Away
When you feel that you are no longer loved, fly away. When you perceive that something is no longer stimulating your mind and igniting your soul, fly away. When you notice false words and an underlying contempt, walk out the front door with your head held high. Always remember that nothing grows in the withered places and you need to bloom, to fly very high.
Think carefully: we live in a culture where we have been taught that to resist is about courage. That there are things that are better to put up with and keep quiet, because life, emotional relationships and even work are difficult. However, let it be clear: masochism is not synonymous with courage. In fact, hardly anyone takes pleasure in being underestimated, despised or cheated on. The real heroes are those who dare to say “stop”.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we find ourselves faced with the challenge of changing ourselves.”
-Victor Frankl-
One of the biggest problems with humans is that they have a conservative mind by nature. Neurologists, for example, tell us about an interesting and complex concept. This is the “information economy” , that is, when we integrate a value or a belief, we become obsessively and permanently attached, hence the extreme complexity of resistance to change.
No one can fly away like this, after having had an emotional relationship where the person was our north and our south. Neither can we tear all our roots from a setting which, until recently, gave us values and a way of seeing ourselves. But, there is nothing worse for our physical and mental health than fueling this self-deception.
We suggest you think about this.
When going in circles keeps us from flying
Anthony de Mello was a rather spiritual psychotherapist who wrote some very interesting books where he spoke about this magic so usual of great storytellers. One of the aspects he has worked on the most is resistance to change. According to him, many people live up to their necks in swimming pools full of “foul-smelling toxic substances”.
But, instead of getting out of this unpleasant setting as quickly as possible, human beings are only concerned with “not making waves”. It is a very graphic image that he invites us to visualize, to ask ourselves why we have such a hard time practicing a more daring and courageous attitude to emerge from these harmful environments. In a way, we try, even if we don’t always do it in the best way possible.
In an interesting study published in the journal “Current Biology”, something curious was shown that invites reflection: when we get lost, instead of walking in a straight line to find an exit, we walk in circles. As we explained at the beginning of the article, our mind is conservative, and it is because the brain does not like risks, leaps and bounds, and risky strategies. Before we find an exit, he forces us to go around in circles.
However, this information should not discourage you. In fact, this is normal. When there are characteristics or situations that we should change, we start a whole series of attempts that fuel, over and over again, almost without realizing it, the same situation. But, we’re on the move, and sooner or later we’ll activate this internal browser that will tell us where the real exit is.
In fact, sometimes it is enough to look upwards, where there is only calm. Where the balance of serene immensity can give us the answers we need to “fly”.
Spread your wings and simply fly
We’re sure you’re not a fan of conformism either. Living in these faded spaces where love is not genuine and where no one values us is like fueling the flame of masochism and pain.
“It is not the strongest species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one that responds best to change.”
-Charles Darwin-
Feeding these behaviors will gradually transform us into sad beggars of disenchantment, unhappy puppets that others will take pleasure in making move as they please. It is not worth losing your dignity in this way, and that is why it is good to think about the following strategies for a few moments.
Some keys to promote change and “spread” its wings
Our emotional survival necessarily involves confronting these attachments. We know that no one has taught us the language of goodbye. However, turning the page is part of life, and to move forward, we must know how to give up what hurts, what is no longer useful, what no longer helps us to grow.
- Learn to be responsible for your life. Take the reins without waiting for a savior. No one can love you more than yourself, no one has the right to save you from what hurts you more than the great person you see in the mirror every morning.
- Mourn the loss. You have every right to discharge the pain, because disenchantment hurts, because knowing that we are no longer useful in this work, in this situation, or esteemed in this group generates pain. Let go and cry.
- Make a plan for your immediate future. Don’t make the mistake of thinking “what’s going to happen to me?” or “all is lost”. Control fatalistic thoughts and sow seeds in this present, thinking only of the immediate future. Don’t wake up for a single day without having a concrete, defined, satisfying, and easy-to-accomplish goal.
- Create simple rituals. When desperation or frustration resurfaces, use these rituals, they are the ones that can help you. Take a walk, go see someone, draw, write, read, run… This type of exercise aims to “break” the cycle of obsessive thoughts through liberating and healing activities. Rituals of the heart to free your mind.
Sometimes it is enough to use simple visualizations. Imagine yourself as you would like to be: free, relaxed, with a calm soul and receptive to whatever tomorrow has in store for you: the happiness you deserve. So, fly!
