Why Don’t Some People Let Themselves Be Helped?
We have all met more than once people who are difficult to lend a hand because they do not allow themselves to be helped. The most common is that they correspond to one of these two cases: either they are part of the people who are willing to help everyone but who have difficulty receiving help, or they are people who have a serious problem and who, even then, will not accept help from anyone.
Either way, the situation is very frustrating for others. Those who meet people like this don’t understand why they don’t let themselves be helped when they need it. The matter sometimes becomes irritating and could be interpreted as negligence or a lack of will to solve the problems.
The point is, it almost never turns out that way. The reasons why some people do not allow themselves to be helped lie in a fundamental problem. Even though they are in pain and need others, they find it very difficult to accept help. It may be because of an unconscious blockage or simply because they have trouble recognizing that they need to change.
Those who help everyone but don’t let themselves be helped
It is relatively common to see that those who help everyone have problems asking for or accepting help from others. These are people who have built an identity from which they can give, but not receive. They believe that they have a duty to meet the needs of others while they are doing their own thing or ignoring their own.
Somehow they do not allow themselves to be helped by others because they think that in this way they would betray their “mission” in life, since it would be inconsistent with the image and the person they want to build (totally independent). They may also feel that accepting help from others is inconvenient for them. In other words, cause them problems. It shames them.
It is also possible that they do not allow themselves to be helped because they think that benefiting from this help generates a debt that the other can claim when he wants, for whatever. They do not understand that others can be happy to help and that this does not create obligations of compensation. This is why it is sometimes necessary to show it to them, showing affection.
Need help but not accept it in return
The other case concerns those people who do not allow themselves to be helped when they are going through very difficult situations. Obviously they need help from others, but if someone tries to help them out of their problems, they reject that person. The most typical example is that of a person who suffers from an addiction. The most common thing is that she refuses, sometimes stubbornly, to accept that others give her a hand to get out of the situation in which she finds herself.
In these cases, it is normal for the person not to even admit that they have a problem. She will therefore let herself be helped even less. Part of his problem is precisely the negation of the latter. This happens with people with addictions but also with those who suffer from depression, anxiety or another disorder and are unaware of it or have a biased view of it.
Strange as it sounds, in this case the symptom itself is an adaptive response that the person has built to support their life. It is “adaptive” in the sense that it allows him to interpret reality in a way that helps him move forward. For example, a depressed person imagines that they are sad because they are more sensitive than other people and not because they are sick. However, this illusion allows him to explain his life and continue to live it, even at the cost of great suffering.
What to do with those who do not allow themselves to be helped?
In the first case, that of those who help everyone but do not allow themselves to be helped, we advise you to help clarify the situation. Show them, with affection, that our help comes from true esteem. And that being able to give them a hand is a source of satisfaction and does not represent a sacrifice or a great effort.
In the second case, that of those who do not allow themselves to be helped when they need it, the situation is a little more complex. Here we need to be more patient and tactful. Being present, taking an interest in that person and trying to accept them as they are is an excellent key for the other to open their door to us and let us in. The most important thing is not to give in to the temptation to put pressure on them to change. Sometimes the concern for that person takes this form and our intervention, full of good intentions, ends up being harmful to him.
We must respect the rhythms of each person. Most of the time, they need time to understand that they need help. In the most serious cases, it is advisable to consult a professional to find out how we can be effectively helped.
Our thoughts In times of great difficulty, we sometimes have trouble asking those around us for help, and this is a mistake.
